My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
