Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
