His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
