I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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