I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
