i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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