can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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