No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
