i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
