he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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