I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
