Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
