So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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