I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
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