If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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