we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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