I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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