Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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