You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
