I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize