Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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