My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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