just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
