we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
