i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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