Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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