Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
