dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
