i think my tv is drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
