You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
