So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
