I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
