Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
