OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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