You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
