Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
