U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
