it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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