so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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