really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
