I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
