i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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