My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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