Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
