Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
