I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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