Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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