Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wat bout pragnant strippers??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
