Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
