just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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