She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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