i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
