he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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