Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
