im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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