Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
