I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
