Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?