A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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