so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
