never play flip cup with pint glasses
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
