i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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