The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
