i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
