i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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