Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
