Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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