i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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