i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
