yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
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she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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I got inside last night via doggy door
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
try to milk me bitch
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