that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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