you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
