I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
